Sunday, July 17, 2016

366 Project - Day 199 - "Time for My Dad"

July 17, 2016 - "Time for My Dad"

Today I went down to Stamford to visit my Dad and to give him one of the watches that had belonged to my brother Peter.

It was a very tough visit.

The last time I saw him was on Father's Day. That day he was in good spirits, but it was obvious how frail he has become. Today was worse. He seems even thinner now than he was a month ago... almost skeletal. He's on oxygen, and it appears that he hasn't been able to leave his room much for several days. He has moments where he's confused... but then moments when he's still sharp as a tack. He's slow... weak... and it's getting harder to understand him when he talks because he just isn't talking as loudly or opening his mouth as big as he thinks he is.

The worst part? He doesn't smile. At least not the same way. He smiled only a slight smile... and even then only a few times.

The first was when he saw me walk through the door.

The next was when I gave him the watch and told him that it had belonged to Peter. He instantly wanted to wear it. He's so thin now that I had to remove most of the links to make it fit... and it still was a bit too big on him. (Today's photo is of some of my watch tools sitting in their toolbox)

The next was a bit of a smile when he asked how my sister-in-law, nieces and my brothers are doing... but then it seemed to fade away quickly as he tried to remember when the last time he saw everyone was.

We were there for about 45 minutes or so... until it got obvious that his attention was fading away. I hugged him goodbye... and was afraid that I was going to break him if I squeezed him the wrong way.

I did not break down when we got to the parking lot... at least not on the outside. On the outside I tried to crack jokes about stupid things and get everyone in the car laughing - but inside I was screaming.

I know it's a selfish thing... but I just don't think I could handle another loss, yet I feel it coming.

Lord, grant me the courage and strength to accept the cup you have passed to me.

Thank you, Lord, for trusting me with so precious a cup.

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