Wednesday, December 9, 2015

365 Project - Day 343 - "Last Night I Cried"


December 09, 2015 - "Last Night I Cried"

Yesterday was the Solemnity of the Feast of the Immaculate Conception of the Blessed Virgin Mary. It is a Holy Day of Obligation... and so the kids and I went to Mass in the evening.

As we were preparing to leave the house I realized that it was a bit colder outside than I had thought it was going to be... so I reached into the coat cabinet in the kitchen and blindly felt around for a jacket. I felt my Mets hoodie on a hanger... right at the spot where it always is. Normally I would grab that and go... but last night something different happened. For some reason I let go of the hoodie and moved my hand far to the right and grabbed the coat that was there. I pulled it out and put it on without even looking to see which coat it was. It wasn't until I was wearing it that I realized it was my brother's blue fleece L.L. Bean jacket, which he ALWAYS wore. In fact, looking at my computer monitor as I type these words I am staring at a wallpaper image which features a photo of him wearing that very jacket... but I digress. As I became aware of what I was wearing I became aware of just how warm of a coat it is, even when worn un-zipped. I made my way to the car... and we were off to church.

Mass felt "different" last night. I cannot explain why - I can only say that it was "different"... and "different" is NOT a bad thing. I know it was nighttime, and the world was dark - yet to me my vision seemed brighter than usual... and when I closed my eyes to pray the brightness remained.

I received the Eucharist... and knelt to pray again... and my eyes began to tear, which seems to be a regular thing for me now, upon receiving Communion... yet again, it was "different". The tears themselves were somehow "different".

They were somehow soothing...

They were comforting...

... and for the first time in many months I did not feel alone inside.

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