Tuesday, November 17, 2015

The Story of the Ten Fish

The Story of the Ten Fish:

"Ten fish are in a tank. Two drown... Four swim away... and Three die. How many are left?"

Let's ignore the part about two fish "drowning"- and just focus on the fact that a total of three fish died... and four fish swam away (somehow).

The three that died were actually the fish that were "left". One was a left-wing fish from a middle-class family which was struggling to make ends meet... one was from a low-income family with no political affiliation because they had far more important things to deal with in life than "politics"... and the third was a homeless veteran fish that none of the other fish even noticed was there.

They all died because the four "right" fish ate 99% of the food... shat all over the tank... blamed the shit-filled nature of the tank on other fish... then swam away to their larger, much nicer tanks in the Hamptons and Martha's Vineyard.

BUT that's only 7 fish... and supposedly there were 10 in total, correct? So what about those other three fish?

Those three fish are from foreign tanks. They are border-crossers and refugees who came to this tank because - even though this whole tank is most certainly full of shit - the shit in THIS tank doesn't even begin to compare to the shit that was in the tanks they left behind. Knowing this, however, the four "right" fish will stop at nothing to get those three fish out of the tank and back into their own tanks. They're currently working on a plan to make the removal of those three fish as profitable as possible. This is happening despite the fact that those four fish claim to follow the teachings of a much larger fish who directly told them to care for all other fish - without exceptions.

But none of this matters. Why? Because someone accidentally left the tank's heater on. The four "right" fish refuse to believe that it's on... even though there's a bright power light glowing right in front of their eyes and much, MUCH smarter fish from some of the top schools (Get it? Top "schools"! As in "a school of fish"! Get it? I crack myself up sometimes!) have tried over and over again to show them the measurements that prove without a doubt that the temperature of the tank is in fact rising. Yet the four "right" fish, being goldfish with very small brains and an instinct to consume as much as possible until they outgrow their own tanks, are not interested in anything but their own two-second-long moments of awareness and the endless quest to be "on top". 

The irony is that - in the end - "on top" is exactly where they'll be floating.

(End of rant. Now I need coffee!)

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