Wednesday, September 30, 2015

365 Project - Day 273 - "Abstract (Goodbye TRC-931)"

September 30, 2015 - "Abstract (Goodbye TRC-931)"

Another day...

Another object leaving me.

This time it's my Lasonic TRC-931 Boom-Box... and it's already on its way to New Jersey.

(I'm glad that "I" am not on my way to New Jersey!)

I wanted one of these things so damn much back in the 80s - but it was waaaaaaay out of reach, price-wise. So eventually I bought this one off of eBay - and used to use it as a speaker system for my iPod - which was pretty cool, until the novelty of it all wore off. It's much easier to just play music through my computer - just clicking on what I want to listen to in my iTunes library... rather than scrolling through almost 20,000 songs on my iPod searching for what I want.

So - because this thing hasn't been used in quite a while... and because it takes up waaaaaay too much space (It's about two feet across - over a foot tall - and weighs almost 20-lbs!) - it had to go. So, just like my iPad, I listed it for sale... and, just like my iPad, it sold almost immediately.

So it's "Goodbye TRC-931!" - Have fun in New Jersey!

(I'm glad that "I" am not on my way to New Jersey!)


*   *   *

Tuesday, September 29, 2015

365 Project - Day 272 - "Abstract (Goodbye iPad)"

September 29, 2015 - "Abstract (Goodbye iPad)"

My iPad is heading to Las Vegas.

(I wish that "I" was heading to Las Vegas!)

I haven't really used it much since I got the iPhone 6 Plus - so I decided to put it on eBay. It sold in less than an hour.

When I called my cellphone provider to have the iPad removed from my plan the person I spoke with said that they've had quite a lot of people deactivating their iPads since the 6 Plus came out.

So it's "Goodbye iPad!"

Have fun in Las Vegas!

(I wish that "I" was heading to Las Vegas!)


*   *   *

Monday, September 28, 2015

365 Project - Day 271 - "Abstract (Watch Pins)"

September 28, 2015 - "Abstract (Watch Pins)"

It's a relatively quiet Monday here...

... well, except for the sound of Herbie Hancock's "Head Hunters" album, which I have blasting...

... and the thoughts racing through my mind.

Other than that it's just me...

... my dog...

... some coffee...

... and these watch pins.


*   *   *

Sunday, September 27, 2015

365 Project - Day 270 - "2015 N.L. East Division Champions(Peter's Smiling!)"

September 27, 2015 - "2015 N.L. East Division Champions (Peter's Smiling!)"

With yesterday's win the New York Mets have become the 2015 National League East Division Champions!

Somehow I just know that Peter is up there smiling!


*   *   *

Saturday, September 26, 2015

365 Project - Day 269 - "To Holly on her Birthday"

September 26, 2015 - “To Holly on her Birthday”

This is just a small handful of the many cards you’ve given me over the years. Birthdays… Holidays… Anniversaries… and some “Just Because”. I’ve kept them all. Why? Because they’re from you. 

Not a single one of them is signed with just a “Love Holly”. Each and every one of them contains a note… or a poem… or some other expression of emotion. That alone is reason enough for me to keep them. The cards themselves are “gifts”… and you don’t toss a gift in the trash… well, unless it’s a REALLY horrible gift that shouldn’t be allowed to exist anymore - like an album by Morrissey, with or without The Smiths!

That is what you are to me. 

(I meant that you’re a “Gift” in my life - NOT that you’re like a Morrissey album to me!)

You truly are a gift to me. In fact the name “Holly” comes from the Italian word “Benedizione” which means “Blessing”… so, there you go.

(OK - Maybe I stretched that a little bit… but you get the point!)

You’ve made me a much better person than I was before you entered my life. 

You’ve brought meaning to my life. 

You’re the inspiration. 

I wanna have you near me… 

I wanna have you hear me sayin’… 

“No one needs you more than I need you!”

(Sorry. I got a little side-tracked by the music in my head.)

I want the world for you. I want you to know nothing but happiness in your life. I want you to see how incredibly beautiful you truly are. I want a ribeye steak cooked medium-rare. I want you to feel just how much you are loved - not just by me (although, for the record, I do happen to love you more than anyone else does) - but by so many people who know you. I want you to want me. I need you to need me. I’d love you to love me. I’m begging you to beg me…

(Oops. I did it again. I played with your heart… got lost in the game…)


Holly… You’re my everything. (And “no”, I’m not going to start writing the lyrics to the Temptations song even though it’s playing in my head right now.)

I wish there was a way that I could truly express just how much you mean to me… just how much I love you.

All I can say is “I love you more!”

Happy Birthday, beautiful!


*   *   *

Friday, September 25, 2015

365 Project - Day 268 - "Abstract (Houseplant)"

September 25, 2015 - "Abstract (Houseplant)"

I'm exhausted.

I'm just going to sit and exist quietly and motionless today...

... just like this houseplant.


*   *   *

Thursday, September 24, 2015

365 Project - Day 267 - "Boots"

September 24, 2015 - "Boots"

A pair of boots that belonged to my brother...

Yesterday - which would have been his 50th birthday - I wore them for the very first time.

It has been a long time since I've worn boots... other than Dr. Martens that is, but those are entirely different. I used to wear black leather motorcycle boots every day... but that was almost 20 years ago now. So it felt kind of "weird" to be wearing boots again... especially ones that once belonged to my brother - yet even though my jeans covered most of the boot - I got several compliments on them while I was out and about yesterday. Maybe that was because of him... because of his energy and spirit, giving sort of a "nod of approval". Then again, maybe it was just because they are pretty nice boots.

No... it was definitely him.


*   *   *

Wednesday, September 23, 2015

365 Project - Day 266 - "Happy Birthday"

September 23, 2015 - "Happy Birthday"

You would have turned 50 today. 

By now you would have already received whatever crazy birthday cards I’d have sent you. You’d be working at the frame shop this morning when I’d call you to wish you a “Happy Birthday”. At some point during the conversation I would tease you about being half-a-century old… and then remind you that you’d officially be a senior citizen when Liliana is old enough to move out of the house.

Maybe you and Angel and the girls would be going out to dinner tonight… maybe there’d be a cake at home… but there’d be no party thrown, because you said you didn’t want one. You wouldn’t be going on a nice birthday vacation either, because you said no to that as well. You said that what you really wanted for your birthday was another watch. I’m sure that you had a very specific one in mind too… especially considering that you chose “getting another freakin’ watch” over “going on a vacation”. I wish I knew what watch it was that you wanted so badly… I’d buy it and wear it just for you, even if it was one of those crazy Invicta watches with huge-ass dials which you liked so much and which we all thought were way too big to be comfortable for anyone to wear.

I would be coming down to Stamford this Saturday for Caitlynn’s ballet class… and I would have come to the frame shop to bug you until it was time to pick her up. You’d probably be working in the back room… or you’d be sitting behind the front counter tinkering with one of your watches. I’d give you a hard time about how messy your workbench was… and I’d probably ask you how on earth you are able to find anything in all of that mess. I might even give you a hard time about how many freakin’ frame corner samples you had… asking how many more you were planning to try to cram into that place.

We’d talk about our families. I’d ask you how Angel and the girls were doing… and you’d probably tell me that they were good… but that they were fucking driving you crazy. I’d say that Caitlynn and Brandon were pretty much doing the same to me. We’d talk about stupid stuff… nothing special. The Mets might come up in conversation… as would some sort of a fart reference. I’d tell you about the Stevie Wonder concert that’s coming up at Madison Square Garden and about how I wished that I could go, but that tickets are just way too damn expensive… and then you would tell me, yet again, how amazing “Songs in the Key of Life” is and start talking about how well it was recorded and mixed. Somehow after that we’d end up talking about James Brown and Maceo Parker. We always ended up talking about James Brown and Maceo whenever we’d have a conversation about music.

Eventually it would be time for me to go pick Caitlynn up from her dance class. I’d try to convince you to meet up later for dinner… but you’d say no, that you had to get home. We’d hug each other… say “Love you, Bro”… and tell each other that we’d be in touch soon. As I’d be walking out the door I’d yell to you to water your damn plants. 

The thing is… none of that is going to happen. Not today. Not Saturday. Not ever. 

Instead I’ll be sitting at home all day today… wishing I could call you. I’ll put your Movado on my wrist… desperately clinging to some part of you. Tears will be rolling down my cheeks as I listen to a mix of James Brown, Maceo Parker, Stevie Wonder and The Doors - all while thinking of you. Saturday I will not be coming by your shop… instead I’ll be at your house, helping Angel and the girls with things before going to St. Matthew’s for a Mass being celebrated for you.

Tonight though, I’ll be escaping… going out as soon as I’m able to… just because I need a distraction from today…

… But no distraction will be good enough. Not today. There isn’t anything that could possibly get you off of my mind today…

… or tomorrow…

… or the next day…

… or the next.

I know - with no uncertainty - that you are up there… looking down on us… smiling. 

I just wish I could see that smile one more time.

I miss you so damn much!

Happy Birthday, Bro!

I love you!

*   *   *

Tuesday, September 22, 2015

365 Project - Day 265 - "Abstract (Speakers)"

September 22, 2015 - "Abstract (Speakers)"

It's another abstract sort of day. I spent most of the day fixing watches, just to keep my mind occupied.

My new speaker system arrived though... and posed for my camera too!


*   *   *

Monday, September 21, 2015

365 Project - Day 264 - "Abstract (Ties)"

September 21, 2015 - "Abstract (Ties)"

Why do I have so many ties? I barely ever wear them.

I don't know.

Today some of them are posing for my camera though.


*   *   *

Sunday, September 20, 2015

365 Project - Day 263 - "His and Mine"

September 20, 2015 - "His and Mine"

My brother Peter's leather jacket... on top of my own leather jacket.

There was a time when we each wore these every single day...

... until we had each "expanded" beyond the limits of our jacket, that is.

Neither one of us could bear to part with them though. Mine hangs in the back of my closet... tucked away to some day be passed on to my son. Peter's apparently hung in the back of his closet as well.

I have so many memories of him wearing that jacket. When he came to Florida and had me skip school to go to Universal Studios with him, he was wearing that jacket. When we went to see "The Doors" movie together, he was wearing that jacket. When Peter and my father and I went up to Hartford together to visit my brother Kenny who had his bike in a motorcycle show, he was wearing that jacket...

... and countless other times we'd be together, he'd be wearing that jacket.

It's another item that is so associated with him in my mind that I can't bear the thought of it being "lost".

Does that make sense?

I don't know.

What I do know is that I look at that jacket and I think of him and smile...

... and life is good again!

*   *   *

Saturday, September 19, 2015

365 Project - Day 262 - "Love and Marriage"

September 19, 2015 - "Love and Marriage"

Today's the day...

After 25 years together my brother-in-law Chris and his fiancé Tony are finally tying the knot in what promises to be one heck of a wedding!

One of the greatest authors of all time - Dr. Seuss - once said:

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."

To Chris & Tony - May your reality forever and always be better than you ever dreamed it could be!

Wishing you many years of love and happiness!

 - Vin

*   *   *

Friday, September 18, 2015

365 Project - Day 261 - "Abstract (Fern Shadows in the Morning)"

September 18, 2015 - "Abstract (Fern Shadows in the Morning)"

Staring out my living room window, looking at the sun. After a while I turn around and notice the sunlight and shadows of my Boston Fern cast on the wall. Something about it intrigues me... so I grab my camera: Focus... Snap... Capture.


*   *   *

Thursday, September 17, 2015

365 Project - Day 260 - "Abstract (Hula)"

September 17, 2015 - "Abstract (Hula)"

Today is a slow day... a quiet day... So much so that I almost forgot to even take a photo for the day. Then I found myself looking at a Hula Girl music box that belonged to my Aunt Pat. Something about the grass skirt caught my eye... and there it was: Focus... Snap... Capture.


*   *   *

Wednesday, September 16, 2015

365 Project - Day 259 - "The Morning Star"

September 16, 2015 - "The Morning Star"

It is very early morning... and I'm standing in the yard waiting for the dog to do her business. It's dark... very dark. I look up at the eastern sky and see the Morning Star staring back at me, and I feel a sense of comfort... a sense of "home".

What is the Morning Star? Well... "technically" it's not a star at all... it's the planet Venus. That doesn't really matter though. The Morning Star is so much more... and throughout history it has had a great amount of symbolism and meaning attached to it.

Spiritually-speaking, the Morning Star is Jesus Christ.

Yes, I know... many people would point out that Isaiah 14:12 seems to refer to Satan as being the Morning Star. This originated with the King James Version of the Bible and is now widely considered to be an error in translation of the original Hebrew. The passage is actually believed to be about the King of Babylon, not the "fallen angel" who would become the Christian Devil. I won't get into that though... as it can easily be researched with a quick stop at Google or Wikipedia.

The more "important" passage to consider can be found in the final chapter of the final book of the New Testament, when Jesus says:

"I am the root and the offspring of David, the bright Morning Star." - Rev 22:16

These are the final words of Jesus in the Bible...

... and these are the words which fill my mind while I stand in my yard in the pre-dawn darkness... gazing up at the eastern sky... gazing at the Morning Star... trying not to feel so alone.

*   *   *


Tuesday, September 15, 2015

365 Project - Day 258 - "Abstract (Rubber Bands)"

September 15, 2015 - "Abstract (Rubber Bands)"

Here's a photo of a pile of rubber bands. I don't know why, I just felt like taking a photo of a pile of rubber bands today.

Maybe it's because they can stretch beyond their visible limits to help bring things closer together and keep them there...

Maybe it's just because they look really cool...

... I don't know...

... I just really felt like taking a photo of a pile of rubber bands today.


*   *   *

Monday, September 14, 2015

365 Project - Day 257 - "Mementos and Memories"

September 14, 2015 - "Mementos and Memories"

My stepfather - John H. Waterhouse - was an amazing man. He was one of the kindest, sweetest, funniest and most loving people I have ever known. He was very attached to my children - especially my son Brandon, the only boy in the family. To them he was "Grandpa John". He was there when they were born... and was very much an active part of their lives until his passing in the summer of 2003.

John was a World War II veteran. He served in the U.S. Army - 296th Engineer Combat Battalion.

This is just a small collection of mementos I have of my stepfather. To the left is a commemorative 50th Anniversary of D-Day Zippo lighter which I gave him. The inside is engraved with his name and battalion on one side... and a personal note from me on the other.

In the middle are his dog tags from the war. Although he was active with the VFW and a regular at the 296th reunions, he didn't tend to talk about the war much - other than a few funny stories here and there. He did, however, continue to wear his dog tags.

To the right is the watch he wore every day. It was given to him in 1989 by the company he worked for, in recognition of 20 years of service.

In the background is his copy of the book "Bridge To Berlin" which tells the story of the 296th during the war.

This past July marked twelve years since his passing. I remember it as if it were yesterday. I remember the tears... I remember the emotion... I remember the pain... but most of all, I remember the man - my stepfather - John H. Waterhouse. One of the kindest, sweetest, funniest and most loving people I have ever known.

I miss him dearly.

*   *   *

Sunday, September 13, 2015

365 Project - Day 256 - "I will walk..."

September 13, 2015 - "I will walk..."

The Responsorial Psalm from today's Mass (24th Sunday in Ordinary Time) - Psalm 116

I love the Lord because he heard
my voice in supplication,
because he has inclined his ear to me
the day I called.

I will walk before the Lord,
in the land of the living.

The cords of death encompassed me;
the snares of the netherworld seized upon me;
I fell into distress and sorrow,
and I called upon the name of the Lord,
"O Lord, save my life!"

I will walk before the Lord,
in the land of the living.

Gracious is the Lord and just;
yes, our God is merciful.
The Lord keeps the little ones;
I was brought low, and he saved me.

I will walk before the Lord,
in the land of the living.

For he has freed my soul from death,
my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling.
I shall walk before the Lord
in the land of the living.

I will walk before the Lord,
in the land of the living.

*   *   *

Saturday, September 12, 2015

365 Project - Day 255 - "The Most Holy Name of the Blessed Virgin Mary"

September 12, 2015 - "The Most Holy Name of the Blessed Virgin Mary"

Today is the Feast of the Most Holy Name of the Blessed Virgin Mary...

... and so I find myself standing in front of the statue of the Blessed Virgin at my church, with tears in my eyes.

"Lord our God, when your Son was dying on the altar of the cross, he gave us as our mother the one he had chosen to be his own mother, the Blessed Virgin Mary; grant that we who call upon the holy name of Mary, our mother, with confidence in her protection may receive strength and comfort in all our needs."


*   *   *

Friday, September 11, 2015

365 Project - Day 254 - "The Motown Sound"

September 11, 2015 - "The Motown Sound"

I really need to sort through and organize my vinyl records. I have no idea how many I have now... and if I was looking for a particular album I'd have to scan through them all to find out where the heck I put it. Every day I list "Organize Records" on my daily "To Do List"... and every day I push it off to the next day's list.

Looking over them rather quickly today, however, I noticed the word "Motown" staring back at me from quite a few album cover spines on the shelf. There's just something about that "Motown Sound" that I love... and have loved since as far back as I can remember.

So maybe today I'll put on some Motown records and go through my LPs to try and figure out some way of organizing them all.

Then again, I might just listen to some Motown through my iTunes and put off the organization until tomorrow.

We'll see.


*   *   *

Thursday, September 10, 2015

365 Project - Day 253 - "Abstract (Sunflower)"

September 10, 2015 - "Abstract (Sunflower)"

Last night we spent the evening with our very good friend Nancy. Great conversation... Great pizza... and these beautiful sunflowers she brought for us.

Sunflowers are tied with white roses as being my favorite flowers. I guess it's a "Sun" and "Moon" sort of thing, I don't know.

Anyway - "Thank You!" to Nancy for a wonderful evening!


*   *   *

Wednesday, September 9, 2015

365 Project - Day 252 - "The Minolta 5000"

September 09, 2015 - "The Minolta 5000"

Another camera has joined my collection: My brother's Minolta 5000 Maxxum 35mm autofocus SLR.

Though quite dusty... it's in amazing condition. Perhaps I'll run through a few rolls of film with it this Fall, when the foliage is at its peak.


*   *   *

Tuesday, September 8, 2015

365 Project - Day 251 - "Abstract (Beads)"

September 08, 2015 - "Abstract (Beads)"

I'm walking through the aisles of the local craft-supply store... gathering things I need for a few projects today... and capturing colors with my camera.


*   *   *

Monday, September 7, 2015

365 Project - Day 250 - "Can't Sleep (Watch Repair)"

September 07, 2015 - "Can't Sleep (Watch Repair)"

I'm awake - way too early for Labor Day. Everyone else is still sleeping, and I'm sitting here trying to get my brother's Invicta 1691 Sea Hunter working again. So far I'm not having much luck.

That's life lately though, isn't it? I mean, I'm constantly trying to fix things... using what tools I have to open things up and try to get them working again. Using those same tools to restore bands and bonds to their proper positions. Using my wrench to close the lid on things that should be hidden and protected. Trying to set the time as accurately as possible according to the "Great Big Clock in the Sky".

At least, that's how it feels.

I have the tools to open the watch and remove the battery. I have the new batteries to replace the old. I have the ability to reseal the backing and protect what should be protected. I can reattach the bands... and even remove or add links when necessary to make things fit more snugly, more secure.

But I cannot make a dead watch run again. That is beyond my abilities.

And that is what frustrates me.

*   *   *

Sunday, September 6, 2015

365 Project - Day 249 - "Breakfast (Best Friends)"

September 06, 2015 - "Breakfast (Best Friends)"

This morning I'm sitting in a diner having breakfast with my best friend for the past 20 years... my wife.

This is the first time in a long time that we've been able to go out without the kids... just the two of us... some coffee... some eggs... some conversation... and lots, and lots of love.


*   *   *

Saturday, September 5, 2015

365 Project - Day 248 - "Vodka"

September 05, 2015 - "Vodka"

Yep. It's been one of "those" days!

Actually, it hasn't. It has been a very good day... and I'm drinking beer, not vodka. I might switch to Piña Coladas later... we'll see. 

Today's photo just sort of "happened" while I was at my favorite local liquor store... where everybody knows my name... and they're always glad I came.

(Our troubles are all the same!)

*   *   *

Friday, September 4, 2015

365 Project - Day 247 - "One Year Later"

September 04, 2015 - "One Year Later"

One year… Today marks one year.

It was the afternoon of Thursday, September 04, 2014 when I sat in a small office and was told that my neurologist had confirmed the diagnosis we had been fearing. I don’t think I showed any emotion… which probably surprised both my wife and the PA-C who uttered the words “You have Parkinson’s Disease”. I tried to hold it in… to keep it together… but those words hit me like a ton of bricks. When she followed up with “This is not the news we were expecting to have to tell you today” my eyes began to tear up as I mumbled a rather incoherent “no”.  

My neurologist - a Movement Disorder Specialist - had thought that the chances of it being Parkinson’s were slim-to-none. She fully expected a negative result. Her PA-C thought the same thing. It was supposed to turn out to be what my M.D. had been saying for years - just an “Essential/Familial Tremor” in my right hand… nothing more. That’s what we all thought… until the tremor got much worse and started to show up in other parts of my body as well - leading to my going to the neurologist “just to make sure”. 

The thing was, I was only 37 years old… about to turn 38 in a month… and this sort of thing just wasn’t supposed to be happening. Young-Onset Parkinson’s Disease isn’t exactly rare… however getting the diagnosis “so young” isn’t very common at all. Many neurologists never see a diagnosis of Parkinson’s in someone under 40… and based on my medical history it appears that the symptoms actually started seven or eight years earlier… when I was just 28 or 29 years old. 

Treatment would begin immediately. I was put on a medication that is specifically meant to treat Parkinson’s. I would start seeing a Physical Therapist once a week to help with balance and movement issues. I would start seeing a Psychologist who specializes in people coping with diseases in an effort to help with the emotional and psychological issues. I would begin trying to learn whatever I could about the disease. I joined a support group that was specifically created for people with Young-Onset Parkinson’s.

Things got worse before they started to get better. It took time to get the right adjustment and combination of medications. I began to experience Dyskinesia. My body was moving uncontrollably, constantly writing and shaking to the point of exhaustion and pain. 

And then it all changed.

With medication adjustments the Dyskinesia faded away. The tremor was reduced back to just my right hand… and eventually disappeared almost completely. I wasn’t “sluggish” anymore. I wasn’t walking very slowly anymore… and my arms were naturally swinging again when I walked. I was able to write with a pen again… and my handwriting was actually legible. Physically, I was feeling better than I had in many years!

Emotionally, not so much.

The fear of what was going to come was constantly on my mind. I knew that at some point the meds would stop working… and I’d be switched to stronger ones. I knew that with those stronger meds the possibility of the Dyskinesia returning was strong. I knew that eventually we’d run out of med change possibilities… and there’d be nothing left to keep my body from moving. I knew that maybe someday I wouldn’t be able to function without help from a caregiver… and that that caregiver would be my wife. I felt incredibly guilty about that being her possible future. 

Then I began talking with more people who had Young-Onset Parkinson’s Disease. I learned more. I met someone who had been diagnosed almost two decades prior and still wasn’t having any tremors. I met people who talked about how much more creative they became after their diagnosis. I met people who had been on the highest doses of some of the strongest Parkinson’s meds there are for years and you’d never guess that they even had Parkinson’s. I heard over and over and over again how horrible things were at first… but how much better things got with time.

And here I am… exactly one year after I heard the words “You have Parkinson’s Disease”. The tremor in my right hand is coming back… but only slight and only at the end of the day. The sluggishness has returned a bit… and I’m walking a little bit slower than I was five or six months ago. I know that at my next visit with my neurologist she will most likely need to adjust my meds. I know that this is the way it’s going to be from now on…

But you know what? I’m not scared anymore. I know that I could live the rest of my life without Parkinson’s ever taking control of my body away from me. On the flip side, I know that I could also end up not being able to do things without someone else’s help… but I don’t care about that right now. I have no way of knowing what “will be”… I only know “what is”. Right now the “what is” is that I’m OK. Right now the “what is” is that most people can’t even tell that I have Parkinson’s Disease. Right now the “what is” is that there are honestly many days I forget I even have Parkinson’s… until it’s meds time. Right now the “what is” is that there’s nothing preventing me from living my life to the fullest - other than myself.

So… one year later… that is my game-plan: To do my best to not allow myself to keep me from living my life to the fullest. I have no clue what tomorrow might bring… but I fully intend to enjoy today and leave tomorrow for tomorrow.


*   *   * 

Thursday, September 3, 2015

365 Project - Day 246 - "The Promise (Isaiah 43:2-3)"

September 03, 2015 - "The Promise (Isaiah 43:2-3)"

"When you pass through the waters I will be with you;
and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you;
when you walk through fire you shall not be burned,
and the flame shall not consume you.
For I am the Lord your God, 
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior."

*   *   *

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

365 Project - Day 245 - "Self Portrait (Broken)"

September 02, 2015 - "Self Portrait (Broken)"

It's hard to really look at yourself. I mean to REALLY look at your self.

It's hard when everything seems blurry and out-of-focus.

It's hard when it takes someone else... someone you love... to get you to realize just how little you truly know about yourself.

It's hard... facing the truth.

It's hard to accept that you've hurt people... and that you still are hurting people.

It's hard realizing how much life has changed... and how different and far the spot you currently stand in really is from the spot you thought you'd be standing in at this point in your life.

It's hard to accept that everything is different now... and that you're not the same.

It's hard not knowing which direction you're going in... or which direction you "should" be going in.

It's hard feeling lost.

It's hard when you realize that it doesn't matter what you do... someone is going to be pissed at you.

It's hard feeling stuck.

It's hard knowing things you wish you did not know... and having to keep them hidden deep inside.

It's hard to wake up in the morning.

It's hard to get out of bed and take the first steps of a new day.

It's hard when you find yourself questioning what you believe... what you know... what you trust in.

It's hard to be walking in someone else's shoes... even when you wear the same size.

It's hard to explain...

... just how hard it is...

... to be broken.

*   *   *

Tuesday, September 1, 2015

365 Project - Day 244 - "The Rock (Matthew 16:18-19)"

September 01, 2015 - "The Rock (Matthew 16:18-19)"

You were the rock.

You know the one I mean. The strong foundation upon which everything else relies. The rock that holds everything together.

You were that rock... and so it was only fitting that your name was "Peter".

The name "Peter" is a biblical one. It came from Matthew 16:18-19, when Jesus said to Simon:

"And I tell you, you are Peter, and on this rock I will build my Church, and the gates of hell shall not prevail against it. I will give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven, and whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven."

And with those words "Simon" became "Peter"... from the Greek word "Petros"... the word for "rock".

The Rock.

That was what you were to us. The foundation upon which we all relied. The rock that held us all together.

The rest of us are just stones. We are easily moved... easily tossed about... easily broken.

It hurts being a stone. I'd much rather be a rock.

I'm trying my best...

I'm trying my best.

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