Friday, April 3, 2015

365 Project - Day 93 - "Exhaustion"


April 03, 2015 - "Exhaustion"

I didn't make it to bed until around 3:00 this morning... and even then I just sort of lay there awake... trying not to cry because I had my CPAP mask on and, well, "crying" and "CPAP" just don't go together that well. I don't know what time I finally fell asleep... but I do know that I was up and out of bed before 8AM.

Today I've been too "busy" to cry. So many details. So much to do. I was on the phone constantly. I used the home phone until the fully-charged battery was drained. Then I used my iPhone until that too needed to hit the charger. While on the phone I've answered about a hundred e-mails and Facebook messages on the computer and responded to or sent too many texts to count. I've been typing so much that my fingers are now exhausted. I never knew that fingers could even get exhausted!

I've answered about a million questions. I explained about a million explanations.

My head is pounding and it will not stop. I've taken several doses of ibuprofen... it just isn't helping. My left leg is still in pain from yesterday morning's Charley Horse, and it drives me crazy whenever I walk. I cannot remember if I have eaten anything today. Today? What is today anyway? I think it's Friday... but I don't remember.

Everything is a blur right now. I just want to crawl back into that bed and curl up and drift away for at least 100 hours or so.

I could really use a drink. (Sorry... I'm just thinking out loud now.)

I think I need to take a Xanax.

I want... I don't know... what do I want? I don't even fucking know what the hell I want!

Wait... yes I do... I want my brother back, god damn-it!

And I have to stop now... because the tears just started falling... again.

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