May 19, 2011 - "Playing Chess"
Sometimes I feel as if I'm playing an involuntary game of chess.
Several weeks ago after a routine blood test my doctor told me I needed to go to a gastroenterologist because my liver levels were elevated. So I did.
The new doctor ordered more detailed blood-work... and an ultrasound. The test results came in, and the doctor told me I needed to come in ASAP.
So today I went back... and was told that my liver levels are four-times higher than the maximum level they'd feel would be "safe". He's ordering more blood-work and a liver biopsy to asses any damage.
On top of all of that I've been having squeezing chest pains in my heart since late last week, which get worse when I exert myself. This prevented me from participating in the AIDS Walk NY this past Sunday... which is something I'd been looking forward to for a year now. After a block or two of walking around the city the squeezing would be intense and I'd have to rest. I was useless... and thought I was going to end up in the hospital.
Today - immediately after being told about the liver issues and the need for a biopsy, my primary doctor told me I needed to be in the hospital for my heart... but I refused, because I'm already having a shitty day and don't want to deal with the ER on top of everything else. So I agreed to come in to see him early next week... and promised to go to the hospital if the pain gets worse in the meantime.
So I went to Molten Java to sip on some coffee and have an internal conversation and struggle with myself. I feel like I'm stuck in a chess game... having to move my King every turn... trying to avoid the inevitable...
... and it sucks.
* * *
