Monday, February 28, 2011

365 Project - Day 59 - "Frustrated and Tangled"



February 28, 2011 - "Frustrated and Tangled"

I just need to get it out:

I'M SICK OF THIS PAIN!

Tomorrow it will have been a week since I had to leave work and rush to the ER.

I've seen an MD and a neurologist... twice.
I've completed a full round of steroids.
I've had my nerves shocked... literally.
I've had needles poked into the muscles of my hand, forearm, bicep, triceps, shoulder, back and neck.
I've had my hand locked in a brace.

... and the result of all of this? No answers... and things are now worse.

What started as pain and numbness in my right hand, with occasional pain in my right forearm - has now become excruciating pain, pins & needles and burning sensations throughout my entire right arm and hand... right shoulder... neck... right hip... right leg... right foot...

My hand is all but useless to me. I can't write. I can't hold my SLR camera... it's too heavy. I can use my compact camera, but I can't feel the shutter... and have no control over the pressure - so I'm pressing the shutter without wanting too... and not pressing it when I want to. I can type... but not for long - and I'm constantly having to go back and correct things.

I can't sleep at night. I get electric shock sensations down my neck and back... and my leg just randomly jerks and kicks. When I move my arm it feels like a rubber-band snaps inside. I can't sleep... and I'm freakin' exhausted!

The nerve and muscle tests told us very little. The "issue" is not in my arm or hand or leg. What is going on in those places is just the result of something else - but no one knows what that "something else" is! The neurologist says it's either a brain issue... or an upper spinal-cord issue. He wants me to have the MRI - but there apparently are no openings, and we're having a hard time getting it booked. But even when it does happen... will it tell us anything?

Who knows!?!

In the meantime I'm stuck with muscle-relaxers that make me so out of it I'm completely useless... and weak pain-killers that just don't help at all. I can't work... I can't really do anything! Thankfully I have wonderful bosses and co-workers who know what is going on and are supportive... but it just makes me feel even more horrible that I'm not able to be there and that everyone else is having to cover my work... my ass.

I'm so freakin' sick of the pain!

I feel like I'm stuck in some tangled mess... not able to free myself...

I just want this to end!

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