Friday, September 19, 2008

(silence)

* * *

I haven't touched my camera since Sunday.

It's not that I haven't wanted to. (Believe me... I have!)

It's just that I "can't".

Or... at least... I've feel as if I can't.

Or shouldn't.

(I don't know)

Sometimes I put camera to eye... and feel so "sure" of the moment that I punch the shutter into life... and quickly make adjustments for the next shot - almost unconsciously.

There's a confidence and a comfort there. I know what I see... and I know what it will (or, at least - "can") become.

Yet sometimes I'm almost afraid to look through that viewfinder.

Afraid that I won't like what I see.

Afraid that there won't be anything to see.

Afraid that I won't have what it takes to release the shutter.

Afraid that it will be a blurry result...

... a missed moment...

... the opposite of what was desired.

Afraid that I "can't".

Afraid that it won't be comfortable.

And in those moments my camera becomes silent.


So I haven't touched my camera since Sunday...

after 300 shutter movements produced such "opposites"...

... and ended up in the trash.

After frustration set in...

... and discomfort arrived...

leaving me to stand in the silence...

... afraid of what my camera might show me.

* * *

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